Horny Elders

Chinese Grow Horns
But the World Ignores

Some say it was bound to happen. What, with its 20% of the world’s population, statistically it shouldn’t come to no one’s surprise that some things happen only in China. And New York, of course. But it’s not everyday you see someone spotting a hefty horn say, on 5th Avenue.
Well, in China, no one knows why, it turns out that there are several people growing horns. Some on their foreheads, some in the back of their heads, some just somewhere on the top. One thing they all share: they’re all over 80 years old. What does that prove we have no idea.
Take Huang Yuanfan, 84, of Ziyuan, for example. In the past two years, a small bump on the back of his head has turned into a horn that’s nearly 3 inches long. “I try to hide it beneath a hat, but if it gets much longer it will be sticking out the top,” he says with a wink.
Or Zhang Ruifang, a 101-year-old who already has a 2 1/2 horn and now has a second one emerging from her head, and who’s refused all offers to remove them. She’s just another one in a long list of elderly Chinese with horns, none of them professing any inkling toward Satanism.
Which is kind of a waste, really. How many New Yorkers you know of that would simply die to have one of those to go along with, perhaps, a vampire-inspired dental work, and some mumble-jumble literature to boot? Alas, you can’t always get, etc.
So even if you wonder if it’s their diet, or there’s something in the water, you’ll first need to grow to a certain age, to match one of the conditions to grow horns. It may not hurt also if you learn Chinese, which would probably set you back about 10 years or so. And that’s pretty much it.
No amount of literature will get you there. Neither a certain nonchalance towards life, a je ne sais quois attitude, infused with a devil may care look they all seem to sport, specially when answering questions from clueless hornless people like us. Oh, and you may want to lose the undead look too; not sure you know, but it’s a completely different tradition.

About colltales

Writer, musician, news professional. World citizen, downtown New York City. Some acting, few screen writings, endless clashes with reality. Brazilian by birth, multilingual by chance, cash strapped as usual. Agnostic but partial for great soccer. Unmoved by sunsets, sunflowers, full moons or drunken dawns. Poor vision, lower back pain and a bottomless pit for a navel. Blue, cats, left, 9, heat and outer space. Common ground need not to apply. Not accepting advice at this time.

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