Unrequited Love

Sorry, Estibalis, But They
Are Just Not That Into You

Someone is asking to be invited to the next wedding at Buckingham Palace, of one Prince William and Kate Middleton, and she’s neither taking a no nor a cake for an answer.
Let’s say, you have this friend from England, who’s either visiting or lives in the U.S. for a while. Nice chap, good to be around, fun do to things with. Oh, and don’t get him started into politics: he’s not just engaged in current affairs; he’s perfectly capable of lecturing you at length about geopolitics, the fall of the British Empire, the American Revolution, and the complexities of the game of football, which you call soccer.
So it’s all fine and dandy. Until you make a slightly derogatory reference to the Royal Family. All hell breaks loose. After an extensive defense of the British Parliament and democracy, you’re granted an coda about the decadence of the American institutions. In other words, if you do have such a friend, you know exactly what we’re talking about. They simply love that billionaire family and, above all, that crowned monument to undue privilege, the Queen.
Just like Estíbalis Chávez, a 19-year old who started a hunger strike to get the precious invitation. Since she set up camp in front of the British Embassy in Mexico City, she’s been posing for pictures wearing pigtails, braces and glasses, but underneath it all, she really seems ready to, well, give hell to the organizers of the April 19 wedding to get a ticket.
The only thing is, Estíbalis is a Mexican citizen, and her chances to land a spot a thousand feet from the silver-spoon bride and groom is 1, followed by the number of British citizens around the world, times, say, 42, just to be perfectly clear: She won’t be invited. Ever. No way. Not in a million years. Even, or we should say, specially in the unlike event that there’ll be a new British Empire in the next several centuries.
Now you go and tell that to the starving teenager. We’re sure the other hundreds of thousands of starving teenagers in Mexico wouldn’t mind at all being denied a passport to England, and it’s likely that the thought didn’t even cross their minds. But Estíbalis, your guess is just about as good as anyone’s. But since we all know what she won’t be getting, what about hoping she’ll get something she hasn’t asked for yet, say, an education?
That would at least be a honorable use of a tiny part of those billions that will fund Will and Kate’s wedding, lifetime housing, college education for their kids, and divorce expenses. But since the palace already said that “they’re afraid” all tickets are gone, we think someone should seriously consider force feeding that poor girl. There must be something else she could do with the rest of her life.
One never knows though; perhaps one day she’ll write the definite biography of the British Royal Family. We should be so lucky, though.

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