Outing the Innies

Love, Hate and Everything in
Betweenie About Belly Buttons

Some have an “outie” and hate it. Some have an “innie” and it’s Ok, except that jealous people hate them for it. And yet others have nothing and it’s breaking news. At least if you’re Karolina Kurkova and the site that spotted her belly-buttonless is called The Superficial.
That and the above mentioned “in-betweenies” is pretty much how deep we plan on going with this post. After all, we’ve already reported the dude who collects belly button lint, loads of it. Though a nice, shower-loving guy, the icky factor kinda spiked when we wrote the story.
It was enough, for example, to keep us clear from a new study on belly-button bacteria. Researchers discovered all sorts of useful stuff examining a number of volunteers’ navels. Or so they say. We say, let’s move on.
We’d rather be interviewing Ms. Kurkova a hundred times. It’s really too bad that the stunning model from the Czech Republic won’t take our calls. But never mind that. Where were we?
Ah, the innies and the outies. (It’s getting to a point where the subject of this post, with all the awkwardness of its anatomic slants, is starting to contaminate the words used to describe it).
The point is, what you’ve got has nothing to do with the way you came out to this world. Apparently, protuberant-navel carriers like to blame their delivering doctors for their, say, “outness.”
For them, a news flash: the shape of the navel is related to the space between the skin and the abdominal wall, according to plastic surgeons. If the soft tissue protrudes through, you’ve got an outie, which is much rarer than the more-desired innie.
Talking about plastic surgeons, they make a killing these days turning outies into innies. It may be true, because such a nip and tuck doesn’t come cheap. And most insurance plans don’t cover it.
We take a pause here to shoot some cliches: Plastic surgeons making a killing? Insurance plans not covering some medical procedure? Really? Thank goodness “stunning model” stands several graphs apart from these two. We don’t want to hyperbole anyone to death just yet.
But what about the in betweenies? It’s usually the result of some medical condition, or accident, or leftover from pregnancy, or some other unusual factor. Happy or not with what nature gave you, or the doctor mishandled, not having one at all can take us to alien territory.
Whatever reason got Kurkova to wind up without one, she’s not telling. But it does suits her. Which is not what you’d say about some people we know, if they’d ever dare: whole crowds would be driven to run for their dear lives.
Since navels are created by the snip of the umbilical cord at birth, it’s pretty much an abdominal scar that most folks spend their lifetimes without even thinking about it. But if to get rid of it, you really must, by all means, go ahead.
If not, and you’ve never been featured, say, on the cover of a swimming suit magazine, please don’t. There are already enough things in this world to give nightmares to little children and small appliances.

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