Three Strikes

A Stolen Body Part, Haircut
& Your Own Personal Thief

Maybe it’s the times we live in. No wonder even the Apocalypse gets postponed these days. But when it comes to stealing, there seems to be no shortage of ideas.
Take the Body Works exhibition, for example. Most of us are familiar with that show, a display of human bodies in various states of vivisection, all covered with a layer of plastic for your discerning enlightenment. Bodies, by the way, said to be of summarily-executed Chinese prisoners, purchased on the cheap (a steal?) by the show’s creator, who denies the charge.
But never mind that. A few years ago, someone managed to top even such a distinguished back story by stealing an ankle cross-section of one of the exhibits on display in Melbourne, Australia. In the morbid sense of humor of the Aussie press, said ankle is believed to be still on the run. We’re not sure we should insert yet another slight comment here, so we won’t.
Moving on. In Goiania, Brazil, a long-haired woman was waiting at a station for her bus, when someone came running (with a pair of scissors, no less), cut off a large section of her hair, and took off. He probably took advantage of her slow reaction to do the misdeed, but my, how fast he must’ve been to accomplish such a complicated (and frankly, uncalled for) task. Well, not that uncalled for, really, for apparently he could get some good money for what he stole from the poor woman.
Who, by the way, managed to top the weirdness ratio of the whole incident when she told the police that it was “virgin.” Her hair, you perv; and by virgin, she meant it hadn’t been treated with any chemicals, which supposedly increases its market value. Hers reached below her waist because she’s a devout of an evangelical faith that discourages women from haircuts, heaven knows why. She only knew she had to tell someone soon, before she’d get in trouble with her pastor. Again, the thief’s still on the loose.
Not so Sean Harrington, a very peculiar brand of burglar. That’s because when he was caught “concealing shoes down the front of his pants,” according to the Louisville, Kentucky cops, he was carrying something else with him too: a list of “customers” and their orders. It turns out, Harrington was a thief for hire. All you had to do was to call him, place your order, and he’d conveniently steal it for you, right at reputed local retailers.
As any salesman worth his receipts, he’d get his commission upon delivering the merchandise straight to your door. Police didn’t say but apparently the shoe fit; that’s how good he was. Now, going over the list on his cell phone, they’ve been calling on his clients, so they too can pay their bills. As for Harrington’s entrepreneurial spirit, all indicates that, after paying his own debts in prison, he should have no problem finding a more suitable (and legal) occupation for himself. Or so we hope.
So, there you have it. Three interesting takes in the robust and challenging world of acquiring what doesn’t belong to you, but don’t go around getting any ideas. See what happened to that poor Chinese mugger? It’s not just that his identity was stolen from him long ago, but even now, way past his prime and after all this time, people are still getting back at him.

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