Freakish Friday

Never Mind the Mall; Go From the
Kitchen Straight to Peace in Africa

Now, here’s a list for the zaniest of the shoppers, who don’t mind buying a gun if helps stop the killings, or ordering a Ferrari, even if it’s completely totaled.
Find something for the queasy at heart, the quirky minded and the plain weirdo. As they say on late night infomercials, the offerings are incredible, but wait, there’s more.
Fortunately, you won’t need to lose any sleep over these specialties. Then again, you may wind up not even buying anything, just imagining how it’d all feel like it. And you may get your food-related fetishes satisfied while you’re at it.
Best of all, you may finally fulfill your desire to do something about the 24/7 wars in Africa, since there’s not much you can do to prevent U.S.-made tear gas into finding its way to the streets of Egypt.
START WITH SOME METHANE
The best place of your home, if you happen to live in one, is not where you usually express your physical affection, mind you. It’s where you stuff yourself, and don’t tell us you didn’t know that.

So for that green stomach of yours there’s Microbial Kitchen, fueled with methane generated by your own waste. But wait, don’t feel disgusted just yet; there’s definitely more.
Behind Phillips Design‘s minimalist look and expensive price tag, there’s a cool biodigester, which many hope one day will be standard equipment of every kitchen corner public or private.
They call it microbial, because it combines a complete cycle of producing food that, to be cooked, uses its own recyclable waste.
But even if you may feel you’re on the set of Blade Runner exploring one of these concept-designs, there’s always someone who comes up with a nickname that nails it down from its pretentious perch: the Fartpunk.

THE SENTIENT UTENSILS
To go along with such a smart lab-like kitchen setting, may we suggest a set of accessories whose design is inspired straight from the human body?
What about tasting spoons in the shape of tongues? Or bottles with rubber nipple-shaped tops? The whole concept may rub your funny bone, and you may find yourself at loss as to whether feel at ease with the human forms of your condiments, or utterly creeped out by them.
But whether shakers with perfect little toes would make you think twice before adding more salt to your dish, or the eye and hair of the sugar pot may, well, gaze a bit too much onto your feeding habits, all the pieces created by Christine Chin have an impeccable industrial finish.
May we suggest using them to have a nice serving of a Cake Wreck, specially the one shaped as a foot with one of its toes broken and pointing up? Delish. Wash everything thoroughly afterwards with a human body-shaped sponge and you’re definitely good to go.

THE 1% SHOPPING CLUB
But oh my, we’re getting ahead of ourselves, for the purpose of this list is to gift people, not egotistically wrap yourself around a cake and a fart digester, and forget that the world remains a crazy place out there.
That’s why we imagine that our next item will sound really tempting to that ever so dwindling number of One Percenters that always grace anyone’s list, even if it’s just in the vain hope they’ll finally pay some taxes and foot their own bill.
We couldn’t come up with a better way to catch their attention than with what artist Charly Molinelli put together. A whole Ferrarri, completely smashed, inside a awfully sturdy coffee table.
The concept was suggested Molinelli by one of his millionaire friends, seeking to ‘write-off’ the value of his totaled Italian iconic car (ah, these One Percenters never learn).
However they got away with it, it’s between them, their government and the increased crowds camping in public spaces of Italian cities seeking the same social justice the Occupy Wall Street has inspired throughout the world.
We keep the concept, though. As we said, it may be just the way to show your own sole millionaire that you still speak his or her language. And more, it may be also be a perfect intro to the centerpiece of this whole post. Read on.

BUY A GUN TO DESTROY IT
We say that because you may definitely need some extra funds for the next gift on your outstanding list: an AK-47 rifle. That’s right, that same Russian-made devilish tool that’s been linked to thousands of deaths annually around the world.
From the Rwandan genocide to Libya’s recent civil war, this relatively cheap and highly efficient way of killing people has been often found in both sides of most African conflicts.
Now, you can actually do something about it. Fonderie 47, a new social enterprise, buys AK-47s in conflict zones and turns them into high-end jewelry. A set of cufflinks destroys 100 assault rifles, a set of earrings, 500.
The idea is that you, with the help of your very own sugar daddy, buy some of them through Fonderie and make them an expensive, and highly meaningful, gift to that special someone you know who cares, or even to your favorite charity organization.
If enough people start buying and turning them into artifacts for peace, AK-47s soon won’t be so cheap and accessible to thousands of 6-year-olds as it happens now all over Africa.
We can imagine hundreds of global pop stars sporting jewelry made out of the rifles, instead of their usually tasteless bling-blings, and setting an example to their admirers, young and old.
And we can picture you and your fat-pocket of a friend finally finding common ground to exchange constructive ideas to improve the world, without having to argue over who’s exploiting who. Or who’s going to pay for the Crystal.
And that, dear folks, is probably the wackiest and zaniest shopping list you’ll come across this and all future Black Fridays. And it’s yours to keep; no one will need to get trampled to death in order to get a peak at them.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.