Tough Week for Bovines
But for One Queens Bull
It’s an unforgiving world out there. Especially if you’re a British cow. (No, not that one, you incorrigible anti-Anglophile.) But if you’re from Queens, things are looking up.
Last Friday, a brown cow was caught on tape fleeing a slaughterhouse in the New York borough, running at top speed on, you guessed it, Liberty Avenue. It all ended well, but for a moment, people feared for the worst.
That’s because of what happened in 2008, also in Queens, when another bovine just like it led everyone and the police into a 45 minutes chase, only to die of a heart attack a short while after it had been subdued.
It was heartbreak all around because the bull had already been granted a reprieve from the deadly electrical rod and it was slated to live peacefully at an upstate animal sanctuary.
By the way, that’s also where the latest runaway may be heading to shortly.
No such luck for the British cow who tried to run from a farm in Leeds by leaping over a roadside fence. It made it, despite its weight, but only to crash on the hood of an incoming Citroen.
Whether it was something the farmer said to him, perhaps the threat of that electrical rod, we will never know for sure.
In any event, that had nothing to do with the oddest incident involving cows on both sides of the pond: there was one in Scotland who managed to get his head trapped in a ladder. Say what?
Even the local animal rescue team that was called thought at first that the whole thing was a hoax. Oh, those jaded Scots.
Fortunately, they were able to free the doubtless inquisitive bovine from his predicament and everyone went home in time for tea.
Coming to think of it, perhaps real life stories about vegetarian beasts lack a certain, may we say, excitement? Pity. It seemed a pretty good idea when we started.
Anyway, do you know that Pink Floyd album, the one with a cow on the cover? Word has it that, when played backwards, it describes in detail a recipe for a powerful hallucinogenic substance. You should try it sometime.