Natural Gifts

Sperm Donor Trends, Breast Milk
Diet and Birth as Performance Art

A quick spin on the latest about conception and how those who can give, are giving it, those who already have it, are taking it in, and those who are expecting, are coping with the it all.
For when it comes to bring another human being to this world, no measure is large enough, and no gesture has the right dose of grandeur to match the experience.
Now that we managed to pack two simple sentences with a lot of bull, let’s just add that everything you’re about to read is dead serious, or rather, life affirming.
In other words, in a world of so much carnage, etc, etc, it’s always reassuring to see the business of life doing its thing and getting our hearts on a bend in the process.
WANTED: FREE INSEMINATION
The Internet has made possible to those seeking to conceive a child to meet sperm donors, at reasonable rates. Apart from the evident risks such a match up can ensue, there are ways to weed out weirdos and find the right candidate, prospective parents say.
For as you may not know, sperm banks may charge over $2,000, plus expenses, whatever they may be, and offer no option to know the donor’s identity.
Granted, these banks have databases, where you can search by religion, ancestry, even the celebrity the donor most resemble. Still, parents can just forget to one day introduce their child to his or her biological father. Did we mention the prices too?
So, apparently to supply the increased demand for babies by not-quite financially stable interested parties, the Internet has become a valid alternative.
Artificial insemination, though, remains a complicated procedure and many conditions may conspire against it. But so is the natural way, as many can attest.

RED HEADED NEED NOT TO APPLY
Such online arrangement may come in handy too if you happen to be a donor and your hair color is red. That’s because the world’s biggest sperm donor bank, Cryos in Denmark, won’t take your junk.
It seems that the bank has reached full capacity and accumulated a long waiting list of donors, way above the current demand. Who knew?
So, in a process known by respected librarians as the law of supply and demand (like you don’t already know about it), Cryos’s decided to be, er, more selective. Point blank: they won’t enlist redheaded men, period.
A BREAST MILK STRIKE OR A HOAX?
We have serious doubts about the veracity of our next stop in this roundup of birth-related stories, so use your own judgement (and don’t quote us on that).
Somewhere, sometime ago, there’s a couple who had three babies, and they all had to go to the natal intensive care unit of their unidentified local hospital.
The mother, let’s call her Kate, kept pumping an inordinate amount of milk, to feed her babies, but since they all had to spend time at the hospital, there was a huge milk surplus.
So what a mother and her husband, let’s call him Curtis, are supposed to do? freeze it, of course.
Now, let’s take a quick break here to admire how this tale takes us yet to another curve, perhaps to distract us from all those little red flags that keep flickering in the back of our minds.
So it happens that Kate and Curtis had to move out, to some faraway town, and, what a dedicated, virtuous, savings-conscious husband to do? to drink the milk, of course.
Better yet: why not spend however time it may take feeding only on his loving wife’s breast milk? (we told you, you may proceed at your own risk).
There are a few more red herrings they toss in about amounts and his general disposition and, oh, yes, they also decided to “document” the whole experience on a daily blog.
Guess what? the link to the blog no longer exists. Do we have to say more?

TO GIVE BIRTH FOR A GALLERY CROWD
Now, strangely, we kinda believe the next and final installment in our saga of sperm, hoax and birth as a performance art. Then again, we may be wrong.
Brace yourselves: within the next five weeks, Brooklyn artist Marni Kotak plans to have her baby at the Bushwick’s Microscope Gallery, before a live audience.
Her labor, or rather, the work is called “The Birth of Baby X.” In the meantime, since there’s nothing as unpredictable as the exact moment of birth, visitors can check Kotak’s other, more conventional pieces on display at the gallery.
We’re not too sure whether there will be a “Raising Baby X,” as it’s been mentioned by people close to the artist, or if the baby will, indeed, be named X.
But as she stays for the time being living inside the gallery, Kotak seems to have solved two very distracting facts about the combination of pregnancy and art: one, the waiting period, which can be a trying time, specially for New York Moms.
And the fact that her most intimate and personal experience will be shared with a crowd of strangers and transformed into a commodity she may be able to trade in to help support her baby.
That is, in case her other works of art turn out to be, like the birth itself, of the unsellable kind.

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