The Turkey Brief

Five Easy Sides
for Thanksgiving

How come America’s most beloved holiday became such a minefield of discord and intra-family carnage? No idea. But there’re still ways to prevent that carved bird from becoming airborne, thrown across the dinner table by a disaffected relative.
Thanksgiving did become synonym to a hard time to be had by all. It now even includes its own set of preppy tips, so to avoid confrontations and visits to the E.R. They vary but have one topic in common: do not talk about politics. Or religion. Or sex. Or Turkey.
Or something else, for often it’s the way the conversation is conducted, never mind its content, what may lead to the breakup of many a relationship. Of course, foul language and inappropriate use of utensils can also be accountable for spilled blood.
Whether on the account of a heated exchange over a swampy-orange stink bomb set off in DC two years ago, particularly pungent today, or for smearing our culinary and/or dietary whims on everybody’s faces, things have a way to heat up like ovens on Thursdays like these.
Tales of communal pilgrims are no longer the adult option; we’ve already ruined this holiday. But fact is, Thanksgiving‘s the utmost family holiday in the U.S., screams and sugar rushes et al. Taken as such, it’s not that we’re navigating unfamiliar territory here. Have a Roving One.

Read Also:
* No, Thanks
* A Nation of Thanks
* Cold Turkey

Bugs Dummy

To Win a Python, He
Ate Roaches & Died

At one time, we’ve all fantasized about a glorious way we’d meet our inevitable demise. Many dream of a big sendoff, a brouhaha at the end of a heroic feat. Others would rather go in their sleep, painlessly. Edward Archbold’s way would have surprised even himself.
For he’s the man you’ve been reading about all morning, who won a Florida bug-eating contest, but collapsed and died before collecting his grand prize, a python. It’s mind boggling why would anyone enter such a contest, specially if the award is a wild living thing, that can bite you.
Apparently, he was just that ‘kind of wild guy,’ according to Ben Siegel, who doesn’t really endear himself with anyone by saying this. After all, he’s the store owner who came up with the contest in the first place. And Archbold was not alone; he just happened to be the best bug eater around.
While local authorities investigate the possible causes of his death, a whole nation asks itself: is this where the next presidential election may be decided, just like it was in 2000? ‘Stand your ground’ law, voter disfranchising attempts, we’re the ones starting getting queasy now.
But let’s not knock the whole state on the sole account of the accidental death of a cheap thrill seeker, though. Despite this unfortunate event, it could all be much worse: Republican Rep. Rick Workman‘s bill to lift the ‘dwarf-tossing’ ban, for example, introduced a year ago this week, could’ve been approved and be in effect by now, but it wasn’t, so it’s not.
Yes, ‘thank goodness for small slips,’ you may say. But in any hypothetical list of worst possible deaths of the un-famous and the desperado, Archbold’s may be rated at the top. Our respects go to his Continue reading