JC, Circa 2017 CE

A Message Stuffed in the Butt
& Other Breaking Jesus News

At this point, whether Jesus, a.k.a., the Nazarene, – whom two billion call the son of god – has even existed, is beside the point. A busybody for over two millennia, we dare naming J.C., ‘most likely to succeed’ as Fab Fav of all supreme invisible beings out there. (Please don’t curse).
News about the carpenter ran the gamut, this year. Archeologists, fussy about a tomb – his? – and a town, where apostles lived, came up again short of evidence. Just as skeptical scholars can’t say for sure he’s not real. Plus new Jesuses, and of course, the secret stuck in the butt.
But such biased coverage had at least one merit: it counterbalanced the continuous, and malodorous, flood of stories about some D.C. dude, who believes he’s god too. And naturally, the depressing headlines about the world we actually live in, which some call godless, while others, a rich banker’s dream. A time when gods are bankers?
It went beyond that, with the vicious-religious commentary streams on social media. This time, every year, some get noticed that Dec. 25 is Krishna‘s official day of birth too. Regardless that neither may have actually been born then, zealots flip, and curses and expletives ensue.
In truth, if one could even invoke such alien concept when talking about faith, neither Krishna’s history matches the lore, nor a big chunk of Jesus’ own walk on Earth could be ever fact-checked. Some elements are common to these two, and every other deity, however.
But Alas, their myth has lost ground to pretty much everything, including human pettiness. More people don’t care either way. Isis or, blasphemy, the Prophet, it’s all in the eye and heart of beholders, bless be them. Those who can’t trust the immaterial got to be jealous.

THE MESSIAHS NEXT DOOR
Alvaro Theiss was an atheist until his old friend, a voice he’d been hearing in his mind since childhood, told him the ‘truth,’and we paraphrase it: go, and tell them all you’re Jesus. Maybe for originality’s sake, though, his chosen given name is Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum, or INRI for short.
Yes, Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews, read that piece of wood that Pontius Pilate ordered a centurion to slap, half-mockingly, on the cross above Jesus’ head. It was supposed to be a joke, you see, just like the crown of thorns, and in the same humorous vein of that other ‘comedian,’ Adolf H.
INRI calls himself an educator, despite his scarce three years of formal education. He sounds pretty reasonable when speaking. (more)
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Read Also:
* Invisible Beings
* Unanswered Prayers
* The 2000-Year-Old Boy
Continue reading

Born on Christmas

Another Event to
Top Birth of Jesus

It was 20 years ago this Christmas when the first communication was successfully established between a web browser and a server via the Internet. That became Page 1 for what’s now a mega-virtual 13.99 billion-page book as of yesterday. So Happy Birthday, World Wide Web.
Besides Krishna, Mithra, Horus, Budda, Quetzacoatl and even Hercules, all Christ-like figures whose birthdays are celebrated along with Christianity, you may now add the Internet, which is fastest becoming what The Beatles were for a brief moment, more popular than Jesus Christ.
As with all the above, the whole history of such momentous creation is yet to be completed. They all have fuzzy stories and paternity myths, and literature about it abound. Suffice to say Continue reading

What on Earth?

Jesus’s Surprising Return to Japan
May’ve Jeopardized Plans by Faithful

Clearly, Tokyo has a big problem with umbrellas being left behind in the subway system. City officials have tried everything to remind riders to collect their belongings before leaving the trains, apparently to no avail.
All else having failed, they went for broke. By some undisclosed grace granted upon their land from above, they recruited none other than Jesus Christ, who brought along three of his closest disciples to help him out with the task.
Now do you realize the seriousness of the situation? By anticipating his second coming, Jesus ruined big plans by every earthly Christian promoter worth his or hers fishes, never mind screwing up all prophecies written in the past two millennia in the process, just so the issue could be quickly addressed.
No word yet on the progress of such a transcendental job bestowed upon the Chief Spiritual Officer of billions of faithful. Most likely, they make up the majority of those forgetful Japanese commuters anyway. But by the looks of the poster, J.C. seems to be on top of it.
And it won’t be done a moment too soon. After all, many remain blissfully unaware of this premature visit of his, and who wants to spoil and steal the thunder of that other event, the one they’re all counting on, when he’s supposed to return to earth with a completely different agenda?