Geese on Death Row

“Revenge!” Cry Families of
Geese Shot in Prospect Park

In a case that may go all the way to the Supreme Court, high-powered lawyers for relatives of the hundreds of low-flying Canadian geese who were executed by federal agents last month in a Brooklyn park filed yet another appeal for a stay on their death sentence.
For the memory-challenged, the geese were accused of causing a near tragedy over the skies of New York City when they clogged an airplane’s turbines and forced its pilot to an early retirement as a hero. The now worldwide famous Viagra-powered captain managed to land the plane on the Hudson River, travelers and crew safe and sound.
The lawyers claim their clients are being unfairly targeted as culprits in several other near-tragedies all over the U.S. And mentioned recent anti-immigrant sentiment as a motivation behind the allegations. The court is reviewing the appeal, but, according to the state elite sharpshooters, the summary executions will continue until morale improves.
The court refused to hear arguments on the case by local celebrity chefs who proposed feeding the birds to the city homeless, after a motion by the state’s health department declared their meat unfit for human and pet consumption. The carcasses will continue to be incinerated and the ashes dispersed over the JFK airport runaway, after a request from the families.
In the meantime, the Immigration Service did request proof of legal residence for all those involved and the local media have reported a mass exodus of entire geese families requesting political asylum in Canada. Also, Mexico’s top drug lord offered to shelter the birds as a humanitarian gesture until a permanent solution is determined by the courts.
This morning, the only family of geese seen at the Prospect Park were going about their daily business and refused to talk to reporters. Tensions between the birds and the general public keep rising after a paparazzo filed a complaint at the local police precinct, claiming his camera and nose were broken by the patriarch of one of the geese families, who was not identified.

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