IPhone to Give You a
Happy Ending, Jobs Says

Sporting a brand new long sleeve black turtleneck shirt and a spanking designer pair of jeans, Steve Jobs walked into the conference room’s stage of Apple’s Cupertino, California, headquarters to a roaring ovation from the audience.
The man they’ve been waiting for hours to see was on his usual elated self-confidence, throwing triumphant smiles to his admirers just like a rock star who just finished a heart-wrenching rendition of “Let it Be” or “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” would. And that was still before the crowd had quieted down following insistent appeals from Apple ushers.
He gave them a few more minutes to go back to their seats before clearing his throat while pulling back his sleeves. Here was clearly someone in no hurry to rush things over. For added dramatic impact, he paced a few more times, just like Einstein probably did, before announcing to the world his Relativity Theory.
Jobs started with a brief overview of the evolution of wireless devices according to the Apple canon, the genesis of it could be traced back to his wandering in the California wilderness, right after he got kicked out of his own company in the early 80s.
Interrupted only by a few “ooohs” and “ahhhs” from the transfixed audience, he went on to describe the vision that changed everything, still according to aforementioned canon, when things were bleak and hopeless until the light hit the right minds, driven by Jobs’s efforts to show them the way, and the rest turned into history.
As the giant screen behind him showed pictures of his revolutionary creations, with captions to underline their ingenuity and innovative power, Jobs digressed about how the world would’ve been a sad and unarticulated place hadn’t been for his extraordinary foresight into the future. And it was by now obvious, the future was now, and he was its truly avatar, no question about it.
Never so many felt so right about having chosen to follow such an enlightened spirit, incarnated in such a frail and gaunt body, one that beat the catastrophic failure of a vital organ, only to emerge even more powerful and capable of changing the destiny of mankind as it stands today.
It was in the middle of Jobs’s description of the launching of the first IPhone that one of his assistants rushed over towards him and whispered something to his privileged ears. His facial expression changed completely, as if he had either been hit by one of his genius ideas or just realized he forgot to take one of his medicines. In any case, for all he knew, the conference was over.
He took a long breath and finally spoke, allowing the whole front row to finally exhale, entranced.
“Yeah, if you had some kind of problem with the phone, which is probably your fault, we’ll be nice enough to give you a brand new case,” he said visibly distraught. “Or a full refund, but in that case, you won’t be allowed to purchase one of our products. Ever. Again,” he continued, half spelling the words, almost menacingly. “Just talk to someone as you leave.” He let the words sink in for a second. “That’ll be all for today, guys. See you around.”
With that, he exited the room. After a moment of complete silence, the crowd erupted again into a soaring roar, applauding wildly. What a moment.