Charlie Outlives Most
Apes, Dies of Old Age

It’s a good thing you’ve stopped smoking a year ago. After all, your doctor told you were adding some 10 extra years to your life and who can’t use an additional time to make sure they’re leaving a positive mark on this world?
In fact it’s great that now you have plenty of opportunities to go more often to the bathroom overnight. You’ve already been using those extra hours to spend some quality time with your respirator at home. Now there’s plenty of time to use your food stamps to buy those delicious coffee, sugar, milk and meat substitutes, along with a pack of your favorite alcohol-free beer, at your local grocery store.
So it was kind of disheartening when you read that 52-year old Charlie, a sneaky smoker chimpanzee who lived in a South African zoo, has just passed away. Mainly because, are you holding on to your walker? he lived at least 10 years more than the average ape.

This was not the first chimp to be known worldwide for having a weak spot for some old Gauloises, mind you. Just the most entertaining one. It seems that long ago he was taught that smoke is not good for you, so he’d hide from his handlers to enjoy the half butts that charitable visitors would throw at him.

In the past few years, Charlie’d been plagued by all sort of ailments but apparently none smoke related. In other words, the healthy nut long-distance jogger may collapse and die in one of his runs and guess who could he be found by? a worker at a nearby factory, having his morning cigarette break.

So you take a moment to scrutinize the chimp’s picture on the paper and compare it with your own image on the mirror. Not a bad looking fella, you think, for a retired circus performer. Heavens rest his soul. And then you say, screw it, where’s that Cuban I hid from the social worker six months ago?