Of Soccer Haters
& Best Practices
Sudden cardiac deaths increase during the World Cup, according to studies published before the 2010 tournament in Africa. But some may beg to differ and the wisdom of such studies could be er compromised upon learning what happened to one of the researchers, a long distance runner.
The International Journal of Cardiology reported then a 77 percent spike in heart fatalities, while The New England Journal of Medicine found emergencies to be 2.66 times greater during a cup than before or after it. ‘Beta-adrenergic-blocking’ drugs are recommended to prevent such untimely fate.
Which was, nevertheless, exactly the fate met by the aforementioned researcher (name undisclosed). Despite being in top shape, he collapsed and died suddenly in one of his daily runs. Guess who found his lifeless body? Two smokers, who were leaving a soccer game and probably lit up another one before calling for help.
So if you think you could use some downers, by all means, go ahead and help yourself. You may then watch the 1958 World Cup final, minus the stressful twists and turns of that crazy teenager named Pelé. But if you rather shoot yourself in the arm than miss the final in Rio de Janeiro, you’d better listen to Branco, another Brazilian World Champion, class of 1994.
The defender, who scored a crucial goal for his side against the Netherlands, told the press that his son was conceived in the U.S. during that cup. According to the sage, “sex is good for you, it relieves tension.” Amen to that, Mr. White.
So it may be time to put aside the research papers and wish you’ll be one of those lucky blokes who’ll die, heart-pumping hard, either when your team is winning or in the sack. Tell no soul but some say that’s what happened to soccer-loving Peter Sellers. Whatta boy.
* Edited from post originally published June, 14, 2010.