Wrong Donkey

The Sun, Manya
& Brigitte Bardot

This story starts as a tragedy. Its second act is now a farce. And before anyone knows whether there’ll even be a third part, the British tabloids are already treating it as a comedy. All but one, that is.
Last month, a picture of a donkey, harnessed by a colorful parachute 50 meters above a Russian beach, caused outrage around the world. The stone-hearted owner of a small parasailing business who came up with the cruel stunt attracted almost universal scorn and, one hopes, must’ve lost a few customers too.
The curtain call for the second act of this unoriginal tale finds British tabloid The Sun allegedly buying the donkey for 70,000 rubles, about $2,400, and moving her to an “elite Kremlin stable,” where she is getting massages, eating organic carrots and looking “ass-stonishingly healthy,” to quote such a guardian of the English vernacular.
Praise and gratitude to the Sun ensued from all over until the donkey’s owner, one Vasily Gorobets, is interviewed by the other jealous tabloids, and they all have a hearty laugh. It turned out the Sun’d purchased the wrong donkey.
Hahaha, they all go, and you wouldn’t be held in contempt if their joy would elicit in you visions of hyenas just before feasting in some leftover carcass. Hahaha indeed.
Enters former sex symbol-turned animal activist Brigitte Bardot to close the proceeding for now. The French actress, who was first at complaining to Vladimir Putin about the stupid stunt above the Black Sea beach, confirms that Anapka, the sold donkey, is not Manya, the flying one, who by the way, never left the loving care of Gorobets.
Actually, wasn’t Gorobets supposed to be slapped with some kind of animal cruelty charge by the police, as it was mentioned at that time? Nyet. We should be so lucky.
And since it’s unlikely that there’ll be any takers for a third act of this summer dud, it may be time to put it all to rest. Good night, Manya. Bonne nuit, Brigitte Bardot.

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