Lettuce Now Praise

Harmless Police Mishaps &
The People Who Love Them

A burglar who stole about $90 from an elderly woman in England is getting more than his fair share in the glare of the fashion spotlight, thanks to the Hampshire police. The cause for such a widespread alarm to fashionistas and, well, elderly women all over is the sketch the good cops released of the now more than notorious criminal.
The sketch, known in England as an “e-fit,” for you non-anglophiles out there, shows some well defined facial features of the offender, who’s said to be on his 40s and having wavy blond-grey hair. Now, about that hair: Due to a malfunction in the equipment, it looks like he’s sporting some very neat leaves of lettuce on his head, and that’s when all hell broke lose.
Never mind the poor elderly woman, who remains unidentified and out of the spotlight, rightly stolen along with her purse by the still at large thief. At this point, he should be considering a change of careers, thanks to his friends at the local precinct. And the decision to never consult medieval Italian painter Archiboldo for advice on how to disguise himself.
Most likely, though, he may have dyed his head jet black and growing a mustache by now. That is, if he’s not flirting with something a tad bolder, albeit not out of character, such as sporting… an Iceberg-do. In that case, he may as well sign some autographs, get to meet the sketch artist himself and say goodbye to his five minutes of infamous fashion fame.

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